This is an attempt to show how the mind works. I’m trying not to overthink what I write… and I try to make it as fluent as possible. fluent meaning spontaneous. I think only literary right now… and I’m marking pauses in my thought progression with three dots, like so… Also, I’m listening to music, so I’m not sure how that’s gonna affect my thoughts, but so far, the flow seems quite good. A good thing is that I’m often able to think in grammatically correct sentences. I don’t know… why this is, but… Well… It’s…hard not to, I guess/suppose. Also, whatever comes out linguistically, I mean, in writing, is an adaptation, I’m trying to formulate… and specify how the thoughts come to me. If it feels like a pause I’ll make, note it as a pause. The “/” earlier I don’t know what it symbolizes. Strangely, people often don’t talk in complete sentences so I’m curious to see what happens here, if I can stay grammatically correct or not. Also…I was thinking of something, but forgot it. I think the music is distracting me a bit, but, and that was what I forgot…I’m able to write in complete sentences, perhaps because I think slowly. I do write down every single complete word that comes to my mind, but who knows how many incomplete, I mean subconscious, thoughts built up to that complete word or that complete sentence. Lots, perhaps, or none, no lots rather. Well, this interesting, I feel I have a hard time coping with the speed as I probably can’t write as fast as I sometimes think, even when thinking only… slowly… I just checked my cell phone, looked at it for 2, roughly 2 seconds. That was part of the stream unfortunately, and it seems it’s impossible to write genuine, true stream of consciousness, as there are all kinds of thoughts going on that are not literal, semantic, linguistic. It’s…forgot…Well, isn’t this nice. You sitting there, reading this stuff, I’m sitting here, actually, I didn’t think wholly and only “stuff”, I did pass through, went through…like a half-spoken “shit” as an alternative to stuff. That was a nice parenthesis. I’m gonna pause, see if something different, novel comes to my mind. [pause]
Just had a sip of tea, some ayurvedic stuff. It’s licorice, strange for tea, yes, but I like it, I like licorice. And the ayurvedic part, I’m not a big believer in traditional medicine. As some British stand-up comedian said, and I’ve forgotten his name right now, but he said…the…something along the lines of…the traditional medicine that was tested by modern methods and approved, made certain they worked, became medicine, while the remainders became traditional medicine. It’s a joke, but there’s some truth to it. The testing is kinda important as…what’s the word…eh…I actually did think “eh” there…placebo, that’s the word. Ya, confirmation bias. Everything you believe in, you’ll interpret the results in the, in its favour. That’s how it works. So, the music is still a potential threat to the stream of consciousness being genuine. Also, a great thing about English is that it’s easy to cop, be grammatically correct, you can cop out of every sentence that is heading array, away, erratic, I don’t know, by just changing up the tempus or something and it becomes, or add a sentence, scratch that, clause, something, and make it a new ending that makes sense, sorta, often at least. So, on the music note, I’ll pause and try without for a sec, and have a second sip of tea as well. [pause]
Now I want to go back to the music and listen some more. Actually, so many words are forming just beneath articulation in my brain that it’s hard to see, understand how many words I’m actually thinking and not so hard to see how why I manage to complete sentences so often…The… [pause, I wish I could type faster, gonna regroup and try again]
I forgot to mention that I’m Swedish, so languages come and go in my brain. Usually no Swedish in there when I’m in my English mood, well, train of thought, but occasionally it pops up, and so does English in Swedish… I’m gonna think of something different now, just been reading the Doors of Perception, about half-way through, and it’s an interesting book, not a book, just a text, but I don’t agree with mister Aldous Huxley on certain points, although I can’t go and quote him cuz I’m in the flow, writing stream of consciousness. Why am I telling you this? You already know I’m in stream of consciousness mode. There I did it, just added a “mode” to make that sentence make sense, although it’s not a perfect sentence. There never is. There are none. Lot’s of correction in my brain, I guess that means I’m typing faster than I would normally correct myself when speaking. I do speak slowly, so not a big surprise… [pause, sip of tea, looking for a quote]
Oh well, bored, not gonna give you a quote. I’ll read the rest instead and leave you hanging. Might not even write a blog post about it. EVER! Cya.
Edit: Actually, I’ll do it.
“The fear, as I analyze it in retrospect, was of being
overwhelmed, of disintegrating under a pressure of reality greater than a mind, accustomed to living
most of the time in a cosy world of symbols, could possibly bear. The literature of religious experience
abounds in references to the pains and terrors overwhelming those who have come, too suddenly, face
to face with some manifestation of the Mysterium tremendum. In theological language, this fear is due to
the in- compatibility between man’s egotism and the divine purity, between man’s self-aggravated
separateness and the infinity of God.”
From my point of view, the mystery is due to the incompatibility between the nervous system’s perception of the rest of the world, and its perception of its own existence. A very materialistic cause for the subjective mystery and very monisticly I disagree with Huxley’s and others’ Inner and Outer world or of the transcendence connecting them.
Seems like mescalin made him critical of his own ego and others’ egos in favour of a love for the whole of existence, nature, God. A particular car makes him cry with laughter over the designer. What he forgets is that humans are part of nature and thus so are our creations.